


No more than it is

by Lacertae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Kissing, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 13:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2694908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacertae/pseuds/Lacertae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Dave/Karkat* The closeness with Karkat meant everything to Dave, in ways he could barely explain to himself, let alone voice out loud, and it was enough to have that, to have Karkat’s friendship and his trust, that to have anything else, to want anything else, sounded almost greedy. The thought had never even crossed his mind, so he hadn’t even realised how much he’d wanted that something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No more than it is

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy meteor dorks :D

Sometimes the nights in the meteor were far too long.

Sometimes, he couldn’t sleep, and he kept rolling around in his makeshift bed until the wee hours of the morning, when he’d be forced to stand up anyway, reaching their shared room for some coffee.

He found it easier to nap during the day, and there wasn’t anybody to care whether he slept for a few hours instead of wandering aimlessly through the corridors, since Rose had started alchemizing alcohol to drink like it was water and Kanaya had taken it upon herself to keep her in check.

It was always hard to find Terezi nowadays, what with the way she could disappear without him noticing, and Dave was trying so hard not to think of _where_ she could be. It left some sort of bitter taste in his mouth that just did not go away, and he found it easier to ignore it than have to think about things he didn’t want to. She would get back at some point, looking ruffled and cross, and they could go back to ignoring the problem like it would go away on its own.

It wouldn’t, but he didn’t want to face that yet.

There was still time, he could still hope things would settle on their own.

That was also a lie, but he was good at lying to himself.

It was weird how of all the people on the meteor, Dave decided to get closer to Karkat, in the end. The loud troll was amusing on its own, but he wasn’t Dave’s first choice in company… and yet, Dave didn’t really consider any of the others either. He could have waited for Terezi to come back, he could have spent time with the Mayor. He could have seized some of Kanaya’s free time, since she wasn’t with Rose 24/7. And despite being inebriated a lot of the time, which somewhat scared Dave, Rose was still company… somehow.

He could have kept company to himself. It wasn’t like it would be the first time. There was a lot to do that didn’t _have_ to include others.

And still, Dave had chosen Karkat. It wasn’t really a conscious choice, he just found himself seeking out the troll, partly to make sure he was doing ok, and partly because deep down, Dave wanted to be ok, too, and Karkat’s presence was always positive in a way Dave found refreshing without really being able to put that feeling into words.

Karkat, despite being loud and complaining a lot, _listened_ to him.

Rose’s way of listening, before she got drunk, meant she analysed what he said and then used it against him, making fun of things Dave used to like, or prodding uncomfortably into his life, but also offering some sort of buffer and then a roundabout explanation that forced Dave to think until something came out of it. It was exhausting but it worked. After she got drunk, she simply couldn’t focus much. It was disappointing. Dave remembered her as she was before, good at listening and even better at snarking, the way a sister should be –a sister he hadn’t even known he had, or wanted– but now Rose lacked something, and it felt like a gaping hole that kept growing bigger, like a void. He often wondered if that was part of growing up, if life was fucking them over to turn them into something new, if things would be bound to repeat themselves. If he was also doing something wrong, and he knew he did, and the scariest part was that he was afraid one day to look into the mirror and see Bro in his stead. Being the shadow of someone was not good, but even if he had learned that now it didn’t mean his path had changed any since before.

If there were problems, he hoped he could find the root of them with enough time to spare so that they wouldn’t fall right into trouble before she was sober again.

He missed the Rose from before and he had an inkling that _Rose_ missed the Rose of before. And yet she kept drinking.

He couldn’t understand, but he didn’t _want_ to have to take this responsibility. Not yet. He didn’t want to try and compare his own way of facing things with hers, because it meant he’d find they were similar, in a way.

Dave was afraid of many things, and this cowardly way to refuse to face them was probably the part that made him just as messed up as her. It had ruined his relationship with Terezi, even if he didn’t want to fully face it –it was also her, but it wasn’t all her, and Dave still had enough semblance of pride to be able to admit some fault for the way it had ended.

So he shuffled away from Rose, forcing himself to believe that things would work out soon. Soon. Anytime now.

Well, Karkat didn’t listen like her. He actually _listened_.

Whether it was his raps (which Dave was attempting to save from turning bland, and it seemed like it was a doomed attempt, as they grew stale the more he uttered them to himself), or just Dave ranting about stuff, from his life to other random things, Karkat focused on his words, he actually listened them for their value, and then answered accordingly. He didn’t fake interest, he was actually pretty honest, and offered Dave an opinion back, even though laced with carefully phrased insults that were never too harsh, just enough to let Dave know this was a concrit, not a flame.

He didn’t sugarcoat his words as they came out directly without passing through filters of sorts, but they were honest and they were something Dave found himself relishing.

In exchange, Dave offered Karkat what he could –company, sometimes an ear if Karkat was feeling particularly ranty. Since Karkat had made sure Dave understood, ever since their first chat, that their buddying comradeship was not a moiraillegiance, no matter how much he offered the troll would not let himself open up too often. This was reserved for his actual moirail, despite his absence growing longer every day more. Still, the few times he did were like Dave had been given a window into his mate’s brain.

There was a lot of clutter in there, but Dave found it fascinating.

This sort of trust that they built together felt good, it felt _nice_ , it gave Dave something to look forwards to, because somehow they worked together fine, and the more time they spent together, the easier it felt for Dave to relax.

It felt like having a friend again, like he was refocusing his attention from all the shit that had happened due to SBURB into a new direction, finding out that there were other important things again, and it felt so good there were times he doubted it would last long, because he was Dave Strider and he was aware that good things never lasted.

He counted time down inside his head, in a small corner hidden in the depths of his conscious. Time ticked by, and he watched it with something very much resembling dread.

Still, this closeness was great, and Dave was not one to deny himself little pleasures, and this was one he did not want to give up to.

It didn’t take long for Dave to go visit Karkat during his sleepless nights, and it always felt like he fit there, like Karkat could actually understand him and the way he ticked, so much that it was easy to just let himself go around the troll, and have Karkat do the same for him.

Nights didn’t feel too long anymore, not as constricting.

***

They were good together, and Karkat’s mere presence was enough to make Dave feel _safe_. It had been a long while since he’d felt like this. He could still remember the last time he had felt something similar, a semblance of safety that he still kept as a memory, with no trace of irony and perhaps a little bit too much honesty (and Dave wasn’t used to honesty, because it made everything taste too sharp, as Terezi would say) –it had been with Bro, far back when Dave had still felt completely safe with him. There were times when this memory had served as a pacifier, but nowadays it was growing to be just an empty comparison for this different sort of safety that he felt now… more equal, less absolute but still just as powerful.

Because the memory of Bro he had left was one he wanted to preserve, and yet there were truths he was starting to accept that tinged it with a bitter taste, and Dave had a feeling this was also part of growing up –realising you were messed up, and that what had messed him up was the same person he loved. He didn’t want to taint that memory, but it was already tainted to begin with.

This new sort of feeling was still safe. It was not bitter, it was not tainted. It was not perfect, so it couldn’t be held to impossible standards. But it existed, and Dave was attracted to it.

He hoped, or a part of him hoped, that this feeling was somewhat returned, because he sure as hell didn’t want to be the only one gaining something good from spending time together.

Slowly, almost without noticing, Dave started to refer to Karkat as his friend, then his bro. His brain went on autopilot so he didn’t question it, nor did Karkat, as he seemed quite content to continue on the way they were going.

When things with Gamzee changed to a point where even Dave noticed the tension, the emptiness that the clown was leaving behind left Karkat to gather the pieces by himself, gone where Dave couldn’t even begin to follow –quadrants were something that was foreign to him, but he had already lost someone to one, and that lesson had changed Dave too. He tried to fill that void in his own way, because he might not want this weird pale bond Karkat had shared with Gamzee, but making Karkat smile was his duty too.

It felt natural to spend time together, watching movies and reading books, and then discussing them, comparing notes and sneering at the stories unfolding, Dave’s rhythm dancing together with Karkat’s passionate words.

Dave never stopped to consider or question their closeness, because why should he? This was the way things were.

He had thought things would forever go on like this, at a pace that was at the same time too much and not enough. With the way Karkat seemed comfortable with him, Dave would have never expected him to be the one to take a step further.

***

Karkat kissed him.

It happened out of the blue, at some point during one of their Will Smith marathons (with a troll Will Smith into the mix to make things more unpredictable).

Dave had been chuckling, halfway through ‘I, Robot’, nudging Karkat with an elbow and tilting his head to the side just enough to be able to glance at his friend. Karkat had moved closer to him during the second or third movie –possibly during Men in Black II– and it was all sweet and fine, and something inside Dave was fluttering for no reason and then–

And then, Karkat was leaning even closer, invading his space, and Dave found himself glancing down at his lips, at the sharp teeth peeking from them, wanting to feel them against his own, and the thought was new and surprising and at the same time, not at all, but just as welcome.

He had enough time to wonder what would Karkat say if he told him he wanted to partake in those interspecies sloppy makeouts that the troll seemed to loath and yet kept mentioning on and off, he had enough time to wonder if Karkat tasted anywhere like Terezi, he had enough time to wonder why he was busy comparing his last relationship with something like this when it was obvious there was no relationship to be had here, he had time to wonder why he felt suddenly on edge, why he kept zoning out of the fact that Karkat was…

He was _close_ , so close he could smell popcorn in his breath, and his eyes were sharp and focused and Dave glanced up from his lips to them, feeling the intensity of Karkat’s full attention like a punch in the guts.

Karkat said something, but Dave wasn’t paying attention, heart racing in his chest so loudly he was sure the other would hear, so he simply nodded, yeah sure bro, whatever you want.

And Karkat kissed him.

For a few seconds stretching on, Dave found his mind blissfully blank. Then, the thought that Karkat was kissing him finally registered, and his skin instantly caught fire, the heat expanding until there was no inch of him that was not burning up.

He had barely started to consider kissing back, rather than stay slack and passive like a salmon on a plate, when Karkat pulled away from him, looking incredibly annoyed and even slightly disappointed.

“I thought you wanted this,” Karkat’s cheeks were flushed dark grey, thick skin hiding well the colour of his blood, though to those who knew, they could almost make out the slightest tinge of red.

He shifted back, out of Dave’s comfort zone, and for a moment Dave missed the closeness, and the feeling of Karkat’s lips on his own, and wanted it back.

It was amusing how he hadn’t even known he wanted this until it was handed to him like the shiniest treasure in the dragon cove, glistening with the elusive light of a gem that hadn’t seen the light in a long time, whose existence he had always been aware of but only in abstract, without the realization that it could be given to him.

The closeness with Karkat meant everything to Dave, in ways he could barely explain to himself, let alone voice out loud, and it was enough to have that, to have Karkat’s friendship and his trust, that to have anything else, _to want_ anything else, sounded almost greedy. The thought had never even crossed his mind, so he hadn’t even realised how much he’d _wanted_ that something else.

Now Karkat had taken the initiative, and Dave had to come to terms with months of wanting something without knowing it in the span of a couple seconds; it made his mind spin and spin, and if only his brain could stop creating metaphors and similitudes and focus on the actual situation at hand, things would be less embarrassing for him.

Thankfully for all participants, Karkat had decided to be magnanimous and patient, and waited for Dave to collect his thoughts, clearly losing the edge to his anger at the sight of Dave’s spluttering and waving his arms around.

“I…” how do you explain having a craving without being aware of it to someone? Dave, who had all the words at his disposal and could spin and weave them around to his liking, was suddenly unable to grasp even one. And more than just this, he hadn’t noticed anything from Karkat either. “All this time, and you never mentioned… wanting something like this”.

“I wasn’t giving you any mixed signals,” Karkat grunted defensively. He huffed, hunching his shoulders up a bit, almost like he was daring Dave to open his mouth and say something ignorant once again. “I thought I had been obvious enough since the start or well,” he amended, “since I started seriously considering you as a viable option”.

“Were… were there others?” Karkat looked so offended at that, Dave chuckled a bit, though the sound was somewhat strained. “Ok, ok man. But I just… I didn’t expect that kiss. I… it just surprised me, because it wasn’t clear at all for me as it obviously was for you”.

Faced with having to explain himself honestly, because with Karkat it was always honesty even when he had words to coat around it to mask the rawness of it, Dave was left with a vulnerable air all around him, awkward and embarrassed and still craving to return Karkat’s lips to his own again.

“I thought I made it abundantly clear, but I forgot how thick your skull is, that you have to push things through with sheer obstinacy to get them to stick in there,” Karkat snorted. “We clicked so well ever since we took our respective heads out from our disgustingly purulent waste chutes. I’ve proved you time and time again that I can understand more of you shithead than you think, and you’ve wormed your way into my blood pusher without planning to leave, and I thought I had read this closeness right”.

“No, shit, I mean yes,” Dave groaned, fingers moving through his hair. “I hadn’t thought it could be like this between us, it was good enough to spend time with you and I didn’t consider there could be… more than just that, nor that you would want there to _be_ more”.

With a sigh, Karkat shuffled closer to Dave again, holding out his hand for the human to grab. When Dave hesitantly did it, their fingers intertwined, human with troll, bronze with grey, Dave felt a soft flutter in his chest that he’d started associating with Karkat, and swallowed again, finally able to place the meaning for that flutter.

Well, ok. The hints had been there for a long time, and if Dave hadn’t noticed them then maybe he was a _little_ dense.

In the background, Agent Jay making stuff explode on screen made for a rather interesting background noise as Dave finally came to terms with his own obliviousness.

“Fortunately for your obtuse thinkpan, there was nothing _more_ than this,” Karkat murmured, tugging Dave’s fingers to bring attention to their clasped hands. “But… there was nothing _less_ than this, either”.

“… ok,” Dave whispered to himself, more as a reassurance than anything else. “Yes of course, I just… you _want_ this right?”

With a snort, Karkat grabbed Dave’s cheek with his free hand, sliding his fingers upwards to push his shades out of the way, staring right into Dave’s eyes and forcing him to look back at Karkat without any sort of visual impediment between them.

Dave felt the same heat from before make a reappearance, and he was painfully aware of the flush moving down his cheeks and reaching for his ears. All this closeness was making it hard to focus, and Karkat’s weirdly tender gestures were incredibly distracting.

Karkat spoke up, his tone low and throaty. “How much more do I have to do in order to let your thick pan understand that I wouldn’t have allowed us to get this close unless I wanted us to be? I was also the one who kissed you first, in case you also have massive memory faults I wasn’t aware of –which would actually explain your inability to clean up your respiteblock, you slob”.

Dave grinned at that, tilting his head to the side, licking his lips and looking completely unaware of how incredibly distracting this gesture was for Karkat. “Oh, I wouldn’t know. Maybe a repeat of that kissing thing might actually get this fact through my thick skull”.

Karkat rolled his eyes, but there was relief in his expression, in the way his lips also tilted upwards, in the way his fingers returned to caress his cheek, then his chin, then settled down to the base of his neck.

Karkat smiling had always been Dave’s private mission in life, but the quality of this particular grin was different, and it was such a big thing for him, to realise everything it meant –the feelings Karkat had for him, the feelings Dave had not allowed himself to consider because how could the something he had going with Karkat be even more than it was already?– that Dave could not help it, and smiled back.

“I hope this time you will have gathered your bearings enough to do more than just stand there acting like an aquatic creature on a silver plate, otherwise I don’t see the appeal”.

“Nah man, consider me evolved from a pathetic sea blob into an amazing earthly mammal ready to represent my team at the sloppy interspecies makeout olympics”.

Karkat stared at him for a long time. “I sure as hell hope it won’t be the only reason for us to kiss, Strider,” he warned, though it was obvious he was teasing him.

“Oh, no, not at all Karkat, in fact I can think of at least a thousand reasons why we should kiss, often, everywhere, anywhere, let me make you a list–”

“I like you, you nubslurper douche,” Karkat breathed against his lips, effectively stopping him and looking so pleased Dave knew he had reached the point of no return from the Land of Blushes and Crushes, population a million flustered Daves.

“I like you too,” he had enough time to answer before Karkat’s lips were on his own again, and the fluttering in his stomach turned into a roar.

Well, this was possibly reason number one of a thousand more, he thought idly as he kissed back, clumsy and inexperienced and eager to keep doing it, lips squished together awkwardly with Karkat’s ones. He always tended to talk too much, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked, please drop some concrit! Thank you!


End file.
